


Naughty Noxians Gone Wild

by nonspecifics



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Blood As Lube, Bloodplay, Enemas, Exhibitionism, Farting, M/M, Murder, Public Masturbation, Scat, Torture, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonspecifics/pseuds/nonspecifics
Summary: Talon is a gross little man and while being gross he encounters another stinky boy
Relationships: Talon Du Couteau/Shieda Kayn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Pretty Platonic Pooping Pals

Talon looked down. The city of Noxus lie underneath him, the streets bustling with people that looked like mere ants from where he stood. He had climbed to the top of a very tall building on a quieter end of town to avoid drawing attention. It would make what he was about to do much easier. 

Talon unzipped his pants and revealed his length barely wasting any time before releasing a torrent of hot piss onto the people below. They would surely think it was a short bout of rain, or drippings from a gutter, not the adoptive son of the Du Coteau's pungent urine. 

He had been climbing up buildings and doing this for some time. When he was young he was not above urinating in alleyways and shrubs, expecting to use an indoor toilet when he was a street rat was beyond unrealistic. He couldn't help but feel pangs of excitement from being so far over the city as it was, and when he started relieving himself from up here, it only became more intense. 

Talon wore a nasty, shameless grin, biting his lip as he peed onto the blissfully unaware public. Even one that got a drop on their shoulders would carry it home, wondering why their coat smells funny. His smell would mark many people by the time he was done, and that wasn't even the last of it. He had been thinking of trying something absolutely disgusting, and he had been trying it in other locations already. After all, this wasn't the only place where Talon relieved himself. He liked risking sneaky pisses in alleyways, trashcans, and sometimes even in public buildings like Libraries (he especially liked when it soaked into the carpets, leaving a mushy surprise for the next person to walk there). And on the topic of mushy surprises, his relief wasn't limited to urine. When he felt particularly bold, he would tug down his pants and push out a large log. Talon had notoriously big poops, even to the point that he had to acquire a special knife just to get them to flush down the toilet. When he was doing it he knew he was being gross. When the newspaper reported on feces being found all over the city he knew he was gross. And when he finished urinating, and tantalizingly pulled his pants down and squatted over the ledge, he knew he was being so gross. The grossest boy in all of Noxus. No one would even expect the Loyal Du Coteau son to be a filthy deviant. 

As his shit started to peek out of his backside, his mind went foggy with arousal, not thinking about getting caught, or the people below, or the consequences. He was so caught in the rush that he didn't even realize a shirtless boy approaching him. 

"This doesn't seem like an ideal place for that" 

Talon clenched his sphincter and sucked what had started to leave him right back in him. 

"Wh-who are you!" Talon awkwardly reached for one of his knives. 

"Woah there guy, I won't tell, as long as you make some room, I wouldn't mind goin' too." The long-haired stranger said calmly, sauntering over and squatting down beside the assassin. 

"This is not a game!" Talon threatened once more, feeling somewhat distracted as the stranger dropped his pants. 

Instead of responding, the stranger only pushed, the crackling sound of a large turd leaving his ass filling the air. 

Well, it seemed he wasn't kidding. 

Talon felt uncomfortable, but he supposed he still needed to shit, and started pushing out his log which fell apart as it left his ass. It was so hard it was painful, but it felt so good to get it out. When the whole thing finally came out, a plop echoed all the way back up to him. 

"Wow, that was big!... So do you do this for kicks?" The stranger suddenly asked, once again far too casually for a man with half a turd hanging out of his ass. 

That hit Talon right in the truth. He may be a cheater, a swindler, and a murderer, but he was never the best at lying. He stammered and stuttered for a minute, only to be interrupted by the stranger's laughter. 

"I like it too, it feels good to mark everywhere with your waste, just to be gross, know that it will smell like me. My name is Kayn, by the way," he held out his hand to Talon. 

He wasn't sure what he was thinking, but with almost zero hesitation he shook it and responded "Talon." 

Kayn paused and leaned back suddenly as his urge to piss arose, and sprayed urine all over the concrete in front of them. And he made the same gross face that Talon made only moments earlier. Whoever Kayn was, Talon felt like they could get along… and if they didn't he could just kill him. 

"Wanna meet up later to cause some chaos?" Kayn asked, tugging up his pants without wiping. 

"... Sure. I'll find you." Talon responded curtly, not willing to let his excitement show. 

Once Kayn left and Talon gave one final push, followed by some yelps from below, he wiped himself with a scrap of old parchment and tugged up his pants, still leaving his now swollen and throbbing length exposed. He turned once again, sitting to face the roads he had just soiled, and began to rub himself off. 

He was such a degenerate, he couldn't help himself. The feeling of relieving himself and marking all of those people, marking the very streets that once trapped him, it felt amazing. And now he was about to deliver one last reward onto the people below; it wouldn't take long. Aside from the sort of public indecency that he had just displayed, Talon's worst habit was perhaps, masturbation. 

He had learned it from peeking through the windows of skeezy gentlemen's clubs where the men would touch themselves unabashedly, and then usually get thrown out. Self-gratification relieved stress and helped alleviate the loneliness that plagued him. When he had first moved into the Du Coteau household, there had been several incidents of the sisters Katarina and Casseioppeia walking in on him playing with himself. And Talon, lacking the social awareness to know what was and wasn't acceptable, would often do so in public rooms and continue unphased even after he was interrupted. Kat and Cass lacked the anatomical knowledge of men to understand what he was doing, but when their father finally caught wind he received a very stern punishment. No more masturbating in the house. Fine, he would go outside. Sure he could just lock his door, but that wasn't half as fun. 

And here he was now, following Daddy's orders, not touching himself in the house. Just a few more strokes and he would already reach completion… 

Talon let out a stuttered groan, tugging himself lazily as he rode out his orgasm, shooting ropes of cum onto the innocent bystanders below. He swore he heard one of them complain about a bird pooping on them, and he couldn't help but laugh to himself. With his not-so-private time over, Talon finally put his junk away, and slunk back into the crowds on the streets below, taking a peek at his mess as he walked by, revelling in the sounds of disgust those around him made. 

With that Kayn guy he could make twice the mess, and having someone right there and watching him would prove interesting. He looked forward to their next meeting. 


	2. Trouble in Toot Toot Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ever seen that clip from Family Guy where Peter Griffon and the other dude have like a farting competition? Yeah, that kinda happens

Talon shuffled through the well-kempt manor. He had just woken up far too late and was in need of his usual morning piss. However the bathroom was once again occupied by his [literal] snake of a sister. No amount of makeup can hide reptilian scales, but that didn't stop her from spending two hours trying. Surely Kat had either already done her business or left considering she wasn't lingering around the bathroom as well. With a sigh, Talon gripped his junk and leaned against the wall beside the door, knocking with his free hand and shouting for her to hurry up. A hiss sounded from the other side of the door, and that was about all the answer he needed. It would be awhile. He was definitely pissing in her makeup drawer again. 

But, wait, that Kayn guy was still around… if he could hold it long enough to find him, that would be a good use of his aching bladder, also his morning wood. With that he ventured out into town, pondering where a presumed traveler would be. Sure he looked Noxian, but his clothes and accent were _funny_. He should try an inn first, that would be a good start. Luckily for him, in the first inn he checked, he spotted Kayn, sitting at a table eating lunch and scratching his junk. And thank goodness too, because his bladder couldn't hold off much longer. 

"Oh hey, how are you doin'," Kayn greeted, being clever enough to not drop his name in a public setting. Whoever he was, he might not want to be caught associating with a member of the order of the shadows. 

Talon, who was still blissfully unaware of this fact, approached Kayn and leaned in to whisper " _I need to go so hurry_ " 

"I see," Kayn shoved the rest of his food into his mouth and stood up. "Havin' trouble holding it, _hehe_?" 

Talon's cheeks flushed. He would be angrier if he hadn't noticed Kayn squirming just as much. They were both on the brink of bursting. 

"Where do you wanna go?" Kayn asked, putting emphasis on the word 'go'. 

"... I know a spot," Talon took his hand and led him into a back alley, then proceeded to climb up archways and walls and buildings until they found themselves amidst gargoyles above a very populated, wealthy looking street. Kayn was gasping and panting, more used to wall-walking rather than having to climb up by hand. 

"Right here? I can work with this," Kayn finally managed to speak, but interrupted himself with a loud fart. "I'm dying to go too, so good timing." 

Talon, feeling more confident, ripped a fat one while unzipping his pants. He didn't really need to shit, but his dinner last night did make him rather gassy. 

While Kayn did the same, he pushed out a few more toots as if it was a competition. Talon responded with, of course, more farting, long and smelly. He normally wasn't one to hold back his flatulence, frequently drive-by farting his sisters, but once again Daddy needed him to act _slightly_ more like a noble man's son. So here he was again, having all of his fun outside of the house, where his reputation was infinitely more in danger. Talon pushed out a deep, loud fart and felt confident in his victory, before Kayn lifted up his leg and let out the longest fart he swore he had ever heard in his life. It sounded like it got a bit wet towards the end, and it stunk to high hell, but damn if he didn't win. Talon couldn't help but chuckle at the disgusting display, and Kayn merely flashed a smug smirk as he stepped up to the edge of the building beside his new friend. 

Back to the task at hand, both men were silent for a moment before urine began to trickle out of both of them, quickly turning into a hard stream that sprayed down onto the unsuspecting civilians. Talon let out a low moan, watching his own stream intently and stroking himself a bit. Kayn did the same, but played with his stream more, waving his cock around and watching his stream swing and whip through the air before splashing down onto people's heads. 

Talon couldn't help but eye up the other man's length and stream… Hopefully that wasn't weird- _as if this whole situation wasn't already weird_ . Talon frankly didn't know what the etiquette was. He didn't know what it meant about the two of them or what it might lead up to. He didn't have sex often, or really at all. He had fucked around a bit with some floozies at inns or high-class courtesans, the sort that knew better than to spread rumors about his family. However considering his complete lack of friends and social interaction, he simply didn't get to sleep around often. He preferred the solitude of playing with himself or… _silently observing_ , although he probably wouldn't say no if Kayn wanted to have some fun. 

Talon refocused back onto his stream, watching it pour down onto the wealthy elite of the nation. He was nearing empty, but with how full he was he could still keep going for another thirty seconds. Kayn sprayed hard and wound up finishing a bit faster with a loud sigh, shaking off the last few drops and… shaking off a bit more. At least that’s what Talon saw out of the corner of his eye. Upon further inspection Kayn’s cock did not look any drier, and in fact he was rubbing piss all over his length, angling his hips out as he did so. _Damn_. 

As Talon pushed out one final spurt into the crowds, he found himself idly rubbing his length, locking his eyes right on Kayn’s hard-on. The shadow assassin took notice quickly and looked over the other man with half-lidded eyes. They both began approaching each other and met in the middle, hastily colliding into a messy, heated kiss. Both men let go of their cocks, grabbing onto one another tightly, roaming their bodies. Talon pulled Kayn’s face close, dragging his hands through the long black hair. Kayn pulled Talon’s hips closer, groping at his ass and grinding against his manhood. They moaned against each other’s mouths, leaving a bridge of saliva when they broke apart. 

  
  


“ **_Fuck,_ **” Talon cursed, his cheeks flushed and his chin dripping with spit. 

“Gods, you’re cute. Pissed and shit on dozens of people, but you only start blushing when another guy starts touchin’ you.” Kayn teased, pushing his luck with the other assassin… but it would slide, _for now_. 

Talon pulled the other man close in an attempt at dominance, grabbing the other man’s ass and… 

“... I never thought I would meet someone nastier than me,” Talon muttered, groping the lump of shit in the back of Kayn’s pants. “You’re so fucking gross.” 

Talon slammed his lips into the other’s once more, grasping both of their cocks and jerking them roughly, desperately chasing his orgasm only several stories above a public that would exile him for such filthy acts. It was somewhat embarrassing, but he knew he wouldn’t last long. He didn’t practice endurance and he was cripplingly horny. Burying his face into the non-chitinous shoulder of the stranger, he let out a pathetic groan and came onto Kayn’s abdomen. Thankfully Kayn took over the stroking and finished shortly after, aiming his cum off the roof and onto the people. They leaned against each other for a short while afterward, catching their breath before carefully descending the building and examining their messes as bystanders. 

Quietly, Talon whispered “ _How much longer are you going to be in town?_ ” 

“I have a job here, but I’ll be gone quickly enough. I work fast.” Kayn responded with a cocky smirk; a lot of confidence for a guy with shit in his pants, but Talon could respect that. **It was a good thing that his pants were so baggy.**

“We should meet again then tomorrow.” That wasn’t an invite, it was a command, and Kayn had no intention of disobeying it. He merely nodded and walked away, disappearing back into the crowd. 

  
  


Talon knew he should head back soon too, his father had a new target planned out for him. If he was late at the same time there was another "strange substances falling from the sky" report he might start getting suspicious. 


	3. More Messy Making out, also Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungler steals Midlaners kill, frantic dirty sex ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes some new content warnings so check the tags again. 
> 
> Torture, murder, blood play, homophobic slur (singular), all that fun stuff.

Another traitor of Noxus.  _ How exciting _ . Some fool who tried to play double agent for both Noxus and Ionia. No matter, Talon would make short work of him. He waited until the following morning, and after taking his morning piss in Cass' cosmetics drawer  _ as promised _ , he left. As he closed the door he could hear reptilian shrieks, and he knew he chose a good time to book it. 

He tracked his target into the forest outside of the city, where the smog and crowds cleared, leaving only trees and dirt. He wandered for hours until sundown, loathing the lack of direction they had given him. Talon climbed up high to gain a vantage point, looking around until he finally spotted him. A nervous-looking man carrying an overstuffed napsack. That was his guy,  _ nice and easy _ . Talon thought, pouncing down and-... 

Just then something strange bubbled in the shadows behind his target, and a large blade reached impossibly out of the darkness. Talon needed to back out, but he was already falling, so with his blade out and the target cornered, Talon snagged one arm with his knife, and his other arm with the mystery blade. 

"Hey!" Talon shouted, pulling harshly on his half of the catch, causing the man to scream in pain. 

“Nice try, but this is my prey,” the… familiar sounding man whispered from the shadows, also pulling at his respective arm. 

However above the blood-curdling screams of their tandem murder, they slowly began to realize there was something familiar about each other. 

“Talon?” 

“Kayn?” 

“... You’re an assassin?” 

“Killing  **my** target? Yes,” Kayn answered in a bratty fashion. 

“... That untruth aside, I suppose I should have seen this coming.” Talon admitted. A traveller from parts unknown comes into Noxus on a short-term job. Also the chitinous stone-like corruption covering the entire left side of his body. Maybe that should have been an important tell. Talon wasn’t really the brightest one out there… 

“The knife cloak probably should have tipped me off too,” Kayn chuckled, using Rhaast to swing their target down to the forest floor, spurting blood onto both of them. “... But since we’re here and you don’t seem to mind my job, do you wanna have our little meet-up now?” 

Talon was mildly appalled at how straightforward Kayn was, but simultaneously, the rush of a kill was not to be underestimated. He crashed his lips into the shadow assassin’s, pressing him up against a nearby tree. His hands roamed Kayn’s chest, thumbing over his nipples and tracing over the various ridges of his Darkin stain. Their kiss only broke as they both turned towards the source of the confused screams behind them. 

“Wow, he’s still alive?” Kayn asked exasperatedly. 

Talon kneeled down beside the man and picked up a dagger, sinking it deep into his arm once more and dragging it down. “You best be quiet if you wish to be spared,” Talon threatened, struggling to keep down a twisted smirk as he knew full well this guy was dying, but he very much enjoyed the idea of having an audience to his and Kayn’s debauchery. 

For a brief moment he worried this display would be a bit gratuitous for the other assassin, but when he looked up, he was met with an equally horny expression from Kayn. The shadow assassin kneeled down beside him. 

“I can’t wait, let's just get right into it,” Kayn stated, laying down and spreading his legs. “Before he bleeds out would be better~” 

Fuck Kayn was hot, also he was relieved he wouldn’t have to bottom, his hole might have been experienced with big things leaving him, but not entering him. Talon hastily lifted off Kayn’s pants and pulled his own down to his mid thigh. Talon pondered for a minute on what he should use for lubrication; he knew enough to understand that without lube it would be a bloody mess… 

_ That’s it!  _ Talon’s big brain led him to the most  **obvious** conclusion. He dug his fingers into the open wound of their victim, getting a healthy fingerful of blood before inserting them into Kayn’s hole. He slowly began to thrust his fingers in and out, adding in an extra finger to make sure he was thoroughly stretched. 

“Aren’t you innovative?” Kayn chuckled darkly, followed by a low moan as Talon started scissoring his hole. 

Talon could only faintly smell some stealthy farts over the metallic stench of blood. It was utterly sickening, but he had never wanted to fuck a man so badly in his life. It didn’t matter that he stole his kill. It didn’t matter that it was on the dirty, muddy ground. It didn’t matter that he was now slicking up his cock with more blood and his victim was screaming in pain as he dug his fingers into the cuts. Talon was already lining up his crimson-smeared length with Kayn’s hole, and could only hold back for mere seconds before plunging in. 

Both men groaned at the entry. Kayn’s asshole was so tight and warm; he didn’t even have that sizeable of a cock and he still feared it was going to tear his partner at the seams. Kayn, meanwhile, was far more experienced in taking it up the ass and Talon’s little thing was ez. Certainly not the smallest he had taken by a longshot, but Kayn had done a lot more damage in the past. Talon still held steady for a moment, feeling an ounce of mercy for his fellow murderer and not the man desperately screaming at them to stop having sex one foot away from him. Talon twisted one of the blades lodged in the man before starting to thrust, slowly and steadily. 

“Go faster you pussy,” Kayn taunted, earning a very sudden and rough thrust that he swore he felt in his stomach.  _ Now that's what he was talking about. _

Talon began an unrelenting pace, slamming into Kayn and leaning down to sloppily kiss him once again, covering both their faces in a thick coating of saliva. The blood that had splattered up onto their faces previously got into the mix and tinged their tongues with the pungent, metallic taste that didn't seem to phase either of them. When they broke to breathe he would lean into the crook of the shadow assassin’s neck, huffing and grunting animalistically as he nipped and bit along his skin. Admittedly he was a bit worried about blowing his load early, even with some of the Edging he was practicing last night in preparation for a more heated encounter. However it seemed Kayn was fully expecting this and was already jerking himself off, whining and groaning desperately as he chased his orgasm. Talon went to pick up the slack and started stroking Kayn in time with his thrusts, or at least something close to that. And the cute sounds Kayn made, moaning and whimpering just slightly louder than the weakening screams and slurs from the man beside them, they made Talon’s head spin. 

At this rate, he would only last a few more seconds... 

“ **Fuck** , Kayn you  _ slut, _ ” Talon grunted out one last time before pumping Kayn’s ass with his load, filling his hole to the brim with cum. Meanwhile Kayn spurted all over himself and Talon’s chest, digging his nails into his back that it surely tore his shirt. They lay there in silence for a moment panting and sighing before Talon finally pulled out, watching the mix of cum and blood spill out with minor amusement. 

“I didn’t think you’d give me an enema, geez,” Kayn whined, trying to push out some of the creampie. 

“Mmm, well I didn’t expect you to-” 

“Are you fags done? I’m about to bleed out, didn’t you say you would let me live! Hurry up!” The immobilized man complained. 

Talon simply looked to Kayn and chuckled, pulling a knife out of the man's arm and swiftly swiping it across his throat, silencing their victim once and for all. 

“Pffft, idiot- Nnn…” Kayn started to mock the corpse, when his pushing finally bore some, absolutely awful, fruit. 

A long, wet log began to slide out of Kayn, piling up on the ground in front of his hole. It wasn’t a small amount either, as it kept coming, eventually pressing up against his entrance. 

“How do you shit this much?” Talon asked incredulously, sitting back to watch in fascination, now idly scratching his balls. 

“I dunno, I guess I just eat a lot,” Kayn shrugged, scooching back from his mess as he seemingly finished. Talon admittedly needed to take a leak, but wasn’t sure where to go, so after lazily standing up, he held out his cock and relieved himself onto Kayn’s pile, pushing out some gas while he went. 

“You coulda done that inside of me, ya’know?” Kayn offered, standing up and stretching as he watched Talon soak his shit, the stench now overpowering that of blood. Speaking of which, both of them were absolutely filthy; smeared with sweat and blood and cum and spit. “Wanna rinse off real quick? There’s a river not far from here, we can at least get the noticeable stuff off there.” 

Talon nodded and finished up his pissing, collecting his knives before following Kayn and rinsing off. He had noticed the scythe Kayn carried with him had a very large eye that made him self-conscious. Probably something else he should worry about, but considering he just dicked him down, the time for suspicion has already passed. They finished washing up as best they could and walked back towards the capital city in relative silence. 

“So… will you be heading back now? To uhh…” 

“Ionia. I’ll be heading back the day after tomorrow, so we’ve got one more day for some fun,” Kayn wanted to keep his nationality brief. A relationship built on pissing and shitting wouldn’t fare well amidst intense international conflict, and just thinking about it gave him a headache. 

Talon seemed to share this sentiment and just nodded. The fact that he was talking with an assassin for the enemy, let alone fucking around with him was bad, but at this point he was in too deep and had no intention of stopping, so it seemed best to just pretend things weren’t as extremely weird as they were. 

As they walked through the streets of Noxus, it wasn’t long before they passed the estately manor of the Du Couteau’s, which happened to be Talon's stop. It wasn’t wise to let his location be known, but his post-nut haze really clouded his judgement, so here merely waved to Kayn and said “Meet here tomorrow, don’t go to the front door.” 

He felt like a teenage girl trying to sneak her boyfriend in, but he didn’t care. The idea of sneaking someone in to fuck right under his dad’s nose made him tremble with arousal. Kayn simply gave him a thumbs up and walked away, silently noting the nameplate on the mansion.  _ Well _ , that confirmed Kayn’s suspicions, and settled a bit of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. Their family was a frequent hit request for Zed, and Kayn really did not want to have to take out his new friend, but whatever happened, he was definitely going back tomorrow for one last night of freaky fun. 


End file.
